It must be really tiring if after years of dating he never gives certainty about the relationship. He never mention about the engagement or marriage. You start to feel restless and wish that he could make up his mind immediately. But is it effective to give him an ultimatum or deadline?

Usually there are two benchmarks that make a woman wants to marry soon, they are ‘Biological clock and Sociological clock’. The first is a biological condition of woman’s body associated with female infertility. Woman wants to marry when her body is still productive and healthy enough to have a child, usually it’s between 27 till 35 years old. The second is a certain age that according to society is ready to get married; every culture has a different view about the limit of age.

If indeed you are tired to make adventures in love and want to get married soon, you better say it honestly to your couple. Invite him to discuss about the future of relationship, don’t hesitate to say what you wish, because it is for the goodness between you and him.

For the first step, you can ask about his future plans for the next few years, if he only mentions about his career or other personal desires without saying about his desire to have a family, it’s possible if your boyfriend is not ready to get married.

You could also ask about the reason why he is reluctant to get married. Don’t easily believe if he says that he hasn’t settled enough in financially or he is waiting for the right moment. Because the problem could be deeper than that, maybe he is not sure that you are the right woman who will accompany him for the rest of his life, he is afraid if he can’t flirt with other women anymore, or maybe he has a ‘peter pan complex syndrome’ where he always avoids responsibility and wants to be free from any liability.

The next step is to ask yourself whether you are ready to run a relationship which doesn’t go to anywhere aka it’s complicated. A relationship can work well if both of you don’t have any problem with making commitment.

So the next question is … is it effective to give him ultimatum?

Before you decide to give him an ultimatum, you should ask yourself whether you are ready to accept the worst consequences of your ultimatum. Each ultimatum has two possibilities, he will propose you as soon as possible, or he will leave you and decide to break the relationship.

If you finally decide to give him an ultimatum, you have to be firm in applying your words. Give him time to think, but don’t forget to give a time limit when he should give a decision. Don’t give him an ultimatum over and over again but in fact you are not ready to accept the consequences. He will realize that you are just bluffing and he will underestimate you.

If the time is up and he couldn’t give a straight answer, you don’t need to be afraid and hesitate to end the relationship. You should try other opportunity and find another man who’s willing to marry you. Every person has a right to get the best in life.

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Breakup is painful, especially if your boyfriend who decides to breakup from you first, this following thing is the signs if a man wants to breakup the relationship:

1. Away from you physically and emotionally

He reduces the frequency of meetings with you. Beforehand he used to meet you almost every day, but then the meeting frequency starts to reduce, it becomes once a week, once in two weeks, once in three weeks, once a month, and finally it’s hard for you to meet him.

He always has a reason to avoid you, such as having an important meeting in the office, accompanying his clients, accompanying his mother for shopping, his car gets trouble etc, even if he finally agrees to meet with you, it’s because you have persuaded him for many times. He also avoids some routine activities that he used to do with you, such as go to cinema, go to gym together, or spend weekend together.

Emotionally away from you can be done in many ways, he may be right beside you, but you feel that his heart is far away from you. No more intimate and warm stare when you make eye contact with him, his tone sounds flat as if he is tired to talk with you, he acts passive like a sculpture without emotion, and he always avoids to talk about the future of relationship, such as about commitment, engagement, weddings etc, he will say “Could we talk about something else?”

2. Changing the routine activities

Each couple has routine activities every day, such as sending sms that contains of sweet words, sweet greeting in the morning like ‘Good morning babe!’, pick you up from the office, or have lunch together.
But now the routine activities begin to disappear, he never sends sms with sweet words, he prefers to hang out with his friends than having lunch with you, he never gives sweet greeting etc. If this happens, maybe he thinks that hanging out with his friends feels more interesting than to be with you.

3. The intimacy begins to fade away

Usually he doesn’t hesitate to show his love to you, such as hugging, kissing, or caressing your hair. But now he acts cold, he doesn’t hold your hand during a walk in the park, he doesn’t hug you when watching TV together, or he doesn’t kiss you when he meets you. This attitude shows that he is losing interest on you.

4. The frequency of fighting starts to change

He used to say his opinions, both of you often have different opinions and sometimes you are arguing each other. But now he suddenly changed, he often avoids the tense conversation and doesn’t want to argue, he often says “up to you!” This does not mean that he has changed to be a sweet kitten, maybe he is looking for the best way to breakup from you, and he doesn’t want to feel guilty by hurting you through a lot of fights.

If your boyfriend is a quiet person, maybe he will give contrary reaction. He will seek your faults; he makes small problems become bigger, even he often fights with you without any reason. He wants to be a jerk in your eyes, so he has a reason to walk away from you.

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